Daylight Savings Fiasco

As you may have heard by now, anything with a digital clock will blow up in your face, burn down the house, and start a mini nuclear holocaust sometime between 1AM and 3AM Sunday night. The government tells us that this switch to an earlier and longer Daylight Savings Time is an energy conservation method. Something to do with having to use fewer lights in the evening hours. Although I’m not sure that having a few extra house lamps is really what’s causing the problem here. I don’t know, call me crazy, but I think it may be our increased and uncontrolled dependence on TVs, computers and their peripherals, and I don’t know, the extra heating due to the FRIGID ARCTIC CLIMES that is the Northeast that could be driving up heating bills. That and the fact that we are a nation of Hummer drivers. (Honestly, people, do we need to drive a tank to pick up the dry cleaning?)

I’m sure that there is something more behind this. Mainly because Luke (Bunting, of Bunting Group Interactive Marketing) said so. I checked around on the interwebs and the cybertubes and those theories are all plausible, but they’re missing the bigger picture. Let’s think about this logically. Who really benefits from daylight savings time?

  1. Bill Gates. Anyone who apparently does not have Vista, with its magical Daylight Savings Time clock-changing program, is screwed. You can tell who these schmucks are because they will be one hour behind everybody else, stuck in their own little time warp. Unless they know how to manually change the clocks on their computers.
  2. The Clockmakers. Why go through the hassle of changing all your clocks when we live in such an instant-gratification disposable society? Just buy a new clock that’s already been programmed to the right time.
  3. Librarians. I don’t really see the connection myself, but hey, it was on the Web so it has to be true, right?
  4. Katie Couric. I’m not sure if she’s covered the whole Y2K7 DST disaster, but she’s losing the ratings war, so I'm sure she could benefit somehow by a potential chronometer catastrophe.
  5. Bees. Did you know that honey in its liquid form will never go bad? Don’t you think that’s a little weird? They’ve opened up mummies' tombs and found jars of perfectly good honey. And now the little buggers are all disappearing. It’s all mighty suspicious, if you ask me.

Cheating at the W House

Better than the Glistening Sheen of An Oiled Up Bodybuilder